Sitting home the other evening...thinking... going through a mental speed bump, I start to question EVERYTHING... Are my goals that I've set too much? Are they too big? Will I fail? Will I sabotage myself? I don't want to fail. I don't want to sabotage myself... My mind wanders to the last thing I wrote about. The blue car that passed.
Sitting. Staring out the windows of my house I see a red van and a red truck pass by out of one window. As I turn my attention to one of the other windows, I sarcastically think to myself, "What?! Is the next car going to be BLUE?!"
Of course it was. Luck of the draw? Maybe. Possibly. A blue PRIUS it was. That blue car was enough to pull me up just enough that I could get my feet back under me, to push through these things that I've set out to do...
Now, if you are anything like me, you might tend to look for deeper meaning in things... Maybe look at them from a different angle...Like a thesaurus..(it's not a dinosaur...)a book with different meanings for a given word...
Touching base with my roommate tonight, I tell him this little story of me sitting, looking out the windows and seeing the blue car again, and as we are talking about how someone can just compose a work of art without really knowing how they did it and where it came from, either it be music, or a piece of poetic literature...I look up the definition of prius...and after I read the definition, I high five myself... This is what I got:
"something that precedes or takes precedence"...
I'll let you do the math on that one!:)
Just another reminder to keep on keepin' on...
"Staring through my rear view...like looking back on the world from another level..." Tupac Shakur
Monday, April 29, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Seeing is believing...
So... It's time to circle the wagons and try to get a little more in depth on the things that I've been doing... why I've been doing them.
Recently chatted with a friend on Facebook about leaving the place where I live. I told her I had already left when she asked if I was leaving, and that all I had to do was catch up to myself...
Sounds kinda funny, right? Kinda crazy, maybe? Definitely.
It all started about about two years ago, right before/during my relapse(although I don't really think it was full blown until I started drinking again six months later, but that's besides the point). I had just stopped seeing this girl and was doing the "still checking their Facebook" phase. I read a comment someone made about the movie, "The Secret." It was kind of a mocking comment about the movie, kind of a "do you believe this shit?!" kind of comment. I was unfamiliar with the movie. So I Googled it. I wanted to know what the big deal was.
After doing a fair amount of research on what it was, going to the website, and reading comments that others had said about this movie. How it had changed their lives. I thought,"oh great, here we go..." The comments were coming from a Christian based forum I believe. Although anything that's starts to "Praise Jesus!" for anything I usually turn and run the other way. I probably would have but I was still intrigued. I mean who wouldn't be really... I mean come on... There's a Secret and everyone's talking about it. Couldn't be that big of a secret if everyone was talking about it... And how come I hadn't heard the Secret if indeed everyone WAS talking about it? I had to know.
I was able to find the movie on Netflix, so I watched it. And guess what? It changed my life too! The movie is kind of a documentary. I won't get into everything the movie talked about. The main thing the movie told me was this: You can manifest whatever you want with your thoughts.
Of course I was skeptical. Who wouldn't be? But they had quantum physicists explaining some of this stuff. Doctors, Ph.d's... These people did not seem to be crack pots.
Then they started talking about love. Love and the vibrational frequencies you put out when experiencing that feeling. And that in order to manifest the things you want, by plainly visualizing them, you needed to feel THAT feeling. Truly in any degree... Towards your mom, dad, pet, child, as long as you were in that mind set... that "place" feeling it, you can transfer those vibrations to the things you wanted to manifest.
"Ok," I thought, after watching this movie,"I'm going to give this a shot!" So I sat in my chair at my kitchen table. I started thinking about all the things I was grateful for. Started thinking about my mother, and it was about two or three minutes into this meditation that I told myself... told the universe that I wanted the next car that drove past my house to be a blue car. About 5 seconds later I could hear a vehicle coming up the highway...It was a white van...Almost discouraged I thought, "No! I asked for a blue CAR" This was a VAN." And within seconds I heard another vehicle approaching along the highway...A red truck! I smiled, maybe even laughed... "Still haven't seen a CAR!"
Needless to say the next vehicle that passed was a blue car. I'll never forget that day. I was sold on the power of the mind. It made me believe.
Sure, it may have been a coincidence. But maybe it wasn't. There is really no telling. And that's how this thing "The Secret" works. You gotta be positive, and you gotta have love...more than 50%, and it works... Things won't just materialize right in front of your eyes, although that is not out of the realm of possibility. The universe has a time delay. It works in "mysterious ways"...but it works.
Over the last two years or so, I have never stopped believing, and never stopped using The Secret. And it has always worked. Just follow the principles. Even up until TODAY the power of The Secret is with me. The goals that I have set for myself and the way I am going to do it takes time to materialize.
I mentioned that even up until today I still practice The Secret, and even as of today it works. I will leave you tonight with this:
For the past couple weeks I have been opening the blinds on the window next to my desk at work and saying, "Ahh, the beach..." Instead of the giant cement wall that is outside of my window I visualize a beach, something tropical... This is just a small part of what I have been doing to bring the reality of my goals closer to me. (Those that follow me on Facebook may now have a little bit of a clue as to why I am posting some of those pictures;)) And I believe that by doing that, the universe brings that reality closer. Pushing it out of my thoughts into the here and now... It works in mysterious ways...just gotta keep visualizing...and it will happen;)
This is what showed up outside my window today...
Recently chatted with a friend on Facebook about leaving the place where I live. I told her I had already left when she asked if I was leaving, and that all I had to do was catch up to myself...
Sounds kinda funny, right? Kinda crazy, maybe? Definitely.
It all started about about two years ago, right before/during my relapse(although I don't really think it was full blown until I started drinking again six months later, but that's besides the point). I had just stopped seeing this girl and was doing the "still checking their Facebook" phase. I read a comment someone made about the movie, "The Secret." It was kind of a mocking comment about the movie, kind of a "do you believe this shit?!" kind of comment. I was unfamiliar with the movie. So I Googled it. I wanted to know what the big deal was.
After doing a fair amount of research on what it was, going to the website, and reading comments that others had said about this movie. How it had changed their lives. I thought,"oh great, here we go..." The comments were coming from a Christian based forum I believe. Although anything that's starts to "Praise Jesus!" for anything I usually turn and run the other way. I probably would have but I was still intrigued. I mean who wouldn't be really... I mean come on... There's a Secret and everyone's talking about it. Couldn't be that big of a secret if everyone was talking about it... And how come I hadn't heard the Secret if indeed everyone WAS talking about it? I had to know.
I was able to find the movie on Netflix, so I watched it. And guess what? It changed my life too! The movie is kind of a documentary. I won't get into everything the movie talked about. The main thing the movie told me was this: You can manifest whatever you want with your thoughts.
Of course I was skeptical. Who wouldn't be? But they had quantum physicists explaining some of this stuff. Doctors, Ph.d's... These people did not seem to be crack pots.
Then they started talking about love. Love and the vibrational frequencies you put out when experiencing that feeling. And that in order to manifest the things you want, by plainly visualizing them, you needed to feel THAT feeling. Truly in any degree... Towards your mom, dad, pet, child, as long as you were in that mind set... that "place" feeling it, you can transfer those vibrations to the things you wanted to manifest.
"Ok," I thought, after watching this movie,"I'm going to give this a shot!" So I sat in my chair at my kitchen table. I started thinking about all the things I was grateful for. Started thinking about my mother, and it was about two or three minutes into this meditation that I told myself... told the universe that I wanted the next car that drove past my house to be a blue car. About 5 seconds later I could hear a vehicle coming up the highway...It was a white van...Almost discouraged I thought, "No! I asked for a blue CAR" This was a VAN." And within seconds I heard another vehicle approaching along the highway...A red truck! I smiled, maybe even laughed... "Still haven't seen a CAR!"
Needless to say the next vehicle that passed was a blue car. I'll never forget that day. I was sold on the power of the mind. It made me believe.
Sure, it may have been a coincidence. But maybe it wasn't. There is really no telling. And that's how this thing "The Secret" works. You gotta be positive, and you gotta have love...more than 50%, and it works... Things won't just materialize right in front of your eyes, although that is not out of the realm of possibility. The universe has a time delay. It works in "mysterious ways"...but it works.
Over the last two years or so, I have never stopped believing, and never stopped using The Secret. And it has always worked. Just follow the principles. Even up until TODAY the power of The Secret is with me. The goals that I have set for myself and the way I am going to do it takes time to materialize.
I mentioned that even up until today I still practice The Secret, and even as of today it works. I will leave you tonight with this:
For the past couple weeks I have been opening the blinds on the window next to my desk at work and saying, "Ahh, the beach..." Instead of the giant cement wall that is outside of my window I visualize a beach, something tropical... This is just a small part of what I have been doing to bring the reality of my goals closer to me. (Those that follow me on Facebook may now have a little bit of a clue as to why I am posting some of those pictures;)) And I believe that by doing that, the universe brings that reality closer. Pushing it out of my thoughts into the here and now... It works in mysterious ways...just gotta keep visualizing...and it will happen;)
This is what showed up outside my window today...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
The Journey Begins...
The urge has been strong to release the last couple days. Not really sure if its an urge or desire to release, or more of an inherent energy that I have yet to harness and explore. Getting reacquainted with the energy involved takes some getting used to. It's seemingly sexual in nature, but can't help but think that it is something much more. As our bodies transmit signals within itself that don't necessarily have to do with what our brains/thoughts interpret. I learned this while suffering through cluster headaches. With the headaches, it was my body telling me there was something wrong, and it wasn't necessarily in the center of my brain, or behind my eye. It was something else entirely, and given the degree of the sensation in a headache like a migraine I believe that it can be likened to the degree and sensation of built up "sexual" energy, albeit on the total opposite end of the spectrum...
More later I suppose...
More later I suppose...
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Whatever may come...
Three twenty-five thirteen. This day seems nearly as important as the date two days prior. Two days prior I once again had one year without a drink. But three twenty-five thirteen is the day that I made a one year vow of celibacy. Some people have asked me why would you do something like that? Others have asked "why" more out of curiosity than chastising(no pun intended). Some have even offered cheers and support. But why? What about HOW!?
It's not that bad if I think about it in terms of one day at a time, but if I start looking at it in terms of months and how many it is...well, it makes me kind of anxious.
For those of you who are familiar with celibacy and what it encompasses, well, it's not just "not having sex".... Get it? No masturbation...(I will come back to this-probably literally and figuratively). More specifically, no releasing of fluids. I stumbled upon this concept a few years ago when after a few weeks of...not releasing any fluids I noticed an energy about myself. Not just that I was feeling more energetic, but there was a sort of aura... A radiant force that I was somehow putting off. I even had to pull one of my guy friends aside and explain to him what I was experiencing and ask if be had ever had an experience like the one I was having. I will explain more.
After noticing this energy, and realizing that I hadn't "released any fluid"(I'm going to continue to call it that and put it in quotes for all the virgin eyes/ears/imaginations out there) I started to wonder if the two were connected some how.
So I pulled up Google. Typed in some key search words. And found some very interesting stuff concerning the things I was noticing. The word "tantra" or "tantric" kept popping up. "Male multiple orgasm." "The Three Treasures." These are eastern philosophies of Taoism. The male multiple orgasm has had a strong push from the west(TWSS). As it seems to be the main selling point of the Taoist system. But it is much more than that.
It's about cultivating and storing energy. Cultivating you ask? How would one go about doing that? Masturbation. Yes, one of the things you are not supposed to do if you are celibate. But I thought you weren't supposed to release fluid? You don't. The male orgasm and ejaculation are two separate occurrences. What tantra and Taoism teach are how to make these two things happen at different times, and in all reality make only one happen, as the other should only happen when trying to create life. The taoists believe that when a man ejaculates he lets go of his life force,(ever notice how tired a man gets after he ejaculates?) and why it leads some to believe this is why women live longer than men, as the orgasm for women does the same for a man who does not ejaculate-it gives/creates energy!
Note- it is still possible to store and create this (jing) energy without masturbation.
So why am I doing it?
Well, I got to thinking...I haven't slept with anyone in a few months... I haven't had sex...I haven't been laid... This is how I had been viewing sex. It doesn't feel right thinking that way about it. Something has changed...Going through life with such a cheap outlook on something that's suppose to be special between two people. The last five years has really warped my sense of what sex is and what it isn't. I used it to try and fill holes inside me(twss...). I've seen how that person turns out. I don't want to be that person.
The reason I've chosen to be celibate is not to explore the male multiple orgasm, but to channel and harness the energy that comes from not releasing. To focus that energy on accomplishing the goals I have set for myself. The goals, even as I look at them, seem daunting from time to time. It is this energy that I feel that I will need to push through these tasks. At the end of these endeavors that I've laid out for myself will be more challenges. I will not just stop... I will keep going.
Please follow along this journey with me, and we will see where it takes us!....
It's not that bad if I think about it in terms of one day at a time, but if I start looking at it in terms of months and how many it is...well, it makes me kind of anxious.
For those of you who are familiar with celibacy and what it encompasses, well, it's not just "not having sex".... Get it? No masturbation...(I will come back to this-probably literally and figuratively). More specifically, no releasing of fluids. I stumbled upon this concept a few years ago when after a few weeks of...not releasing any fluids I noticed an energy about myself. Not just that I was feeling more energetic, but there was a sort of aura... A radiant force that I was somehow putting off. I even had to pull one of my guy friends aside and explain to him what I was experiencing and ask if be had ever had an experience like the one I was having. I will explain more.
After noticing this energy, and realizing that I hadn't "released any fluid"(I'm going to continue to call it that and put it in quotes for all the virgin eyes/ears/imaginations out there) I started to wonder if the two were connected some how.
So I pulled up Google. Typed in some key search words. And found some very interesting stuff concerning the things I was noticing. The word "tantra" or "tantric" kept popping up. "Male multiple orgasm." "The Three Treasures." These are eastern philosophies of Taoism. The male multiple orgasm has had a strong push from the west(TWSS). As it seems to be the main selling point of the Taoist system. But it is much more than that.
It's about cultivating and storing energy. Cultivating you ask? How would one go about doing that? Masturbation. Yes, one of the things you are not supposed to do if you are celibate. But I thought you weren't supposed to release fluid? You don't. The male orgasm and ejaculation are two separate occurrences. What tantra and Taoism teach are how to make these two things happen at different times, and in all reality make only one happen, as the other should only happen when trying to create life. The taoists believe that when a man ejaculates he lets go of his life force,(ever notice how tired a man gets after he ejaculates?) and why it leads some to believe this is why women live longer than men, as the orgasm for women does the same for a man who does not ejaculate-it gives/creates energy!
Note- it is still possible to store and create this (jing) energy without masturbation.
So why am I doing it?
Well, I got to thinking...I haven't slept with anyone in a few months... I haven't had sex...I haven't been laid... This is how I had been viewing sex. It doesn't feel right thinking that way about it. Something has changed...Going through life with such a cheap outlook on something that's suppose to be special between two people. The last five years has really warped my sense of what sex is and what it isn't. I used it to try and fill holes inside me(twss...). I've seen how that person turns out. I don't want to be that person.
The reason I've chosen to be celibate is not to explore the male multiple orgasm, but to channel and harness the energy that comes from not releasing. To focus that energy on accomplishing the goals I have set for myself. The goals, even as I look at them, seem daunting from time to time. It is this energy that I feel that I will need to push through these tasks. At the end of these endeavors that I've laid out for myself will be more challenges. I will not just stop... I will keep going.
Please follow along this journey with me, and we will see where it takes us!....
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