These words all link together... You'd be surprised how...
Subconscious mind, potential, manifest, reality, change, pineal, alpha, theta, delta, brainwaves, vibrations, frequency, magnetism, attraction, positive, negative, fluoride, cancer, calcification, control, cannabis, cure, love,
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Could not have said it better myself...
I can't believe how much this makes sense... I will definitely read this again, as it seems that it's something I need to pay closer attention to in my own life...
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youll-learn-to-trust-again-when-you-learn-to-trust-you/
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youll-learn-to-trust-again-when-you-learn-to-trust-you/
Thursday, January 17, 2013
My 5 year plan...retire by 40
This next year I will get a second job. I will use this income to pay off any outstanding bills, pay off my car, and work on getting my house paid off within the next 2-3 years(24,000 owed). I will invest any and all available money into a variety of accounts/stocks/funds/trusts that will pay out monthly distributions in a manner that will allow me to be paid weekly or even multiple times weekly as each one will pay out at different times of the month, as well as accounting for the two jobs I will have.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
In retrospect...
Just sitting here enjoying what I believe to be called serenity, as I am not totally comfortable here since this feeling has never stuck around long enough for me to get to know it well enough. It comes and goes just to let me know that it is out there and does exist; not far off.
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Poetic Justice...
I lay awake thinking about the wrongs that I have done, and the wrongs that have been done to me. I feel bad for those that have harmed me, as in harming me they are doing more harm to themselves. The same goes for me. The things that I have done to others is still haunting me long after the damage was done. I hope their healing has taken place. I hope mine is ending.
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