As I finish my dinner tonight I think about what it is I've laid out before me. The goals I have set for myself. They are not unattainable. They are easy enough to grasp that anyone in my position can accomplish them. I stand now at the cusp of great things.
Feeling and holding these dreams that have been brought forth for me to capture...I believe the next step would be then to tell the world how and why I did the things that I did, so that anyone who may think a thing is impossible will truly have to rethink possibility.
We are great beings, great people, great minds, and great souls. It is unfortunate that so few recognize how infinite we each are...we all are...together...
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Wake up!
Laying awake and can't sleep because your head won't shut off? For me it feels like there is some sort if message I need to hear, or it feels like something my head is trying to sort out, and if I quiet my head, then I will fall asleep, and if I fall asleep then I won't get it sorted out, then I won't get the message... But it just may well be that a signal IS being sent for you to interpret and understand, and that if you just tuned in to the right frequency, then you'd get the message...try looking into brain wave frequencies... Just sayin
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Wake up!
Laying awake and can't sleep because your head won't shut off? For me it feels like there is some sort if message I need to hear, or it feels like something my head is trying to sort out, and if I quiet my head, then I will fall asleep, and if I fall asleep then I won't get it sorted out, then I won't get the message... But it just may well be that a signal IS being sent for you to interpret and understand, and that if you just tuned in to the right frequency, then you'd get the message...try looking into brain wave frequencies... Just sayin
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Something new
I may not win this time, or even next time, but when I do win it will make up for the times that I didn't.... Every time. ~Jason Murphy
Monday, February 4, 2013
Best advice ever!
If you've followed along the last few months you know I've had my fair share of bumps and bruises as far as "relationships" go. Again, I have been able to make my way out of it to the other side a stronger, wiser, a little more set in my boundaries. Today I'm allowed to see outside the box.
For those of you unfamiliar with what I went through I will recap.
I was sort of seeing/dating this girl. This girl was fresh out of a relationship, hooked up with me. Toyed with me, and proceeded to move on the next guy or two before going back to the guy she was with before me. A wise woman once told me that a monkey never let's go of one branch until it has ahold of the next one... Ok... it happens, right? Even to the best of us.
So this brings me to the reason for reflection... I was recently asked for some advice on how to handle a situation. A girl asks me what she should do about the guy she's sleeping with because she's now attracted to some other guy and wants to date him, and date him on a more serious level...*sigh*, people and their sugar coating! ;)
At this point I'm basically thrust into the situation I was just in, but on the outside looking in. Like karma asking me,"How would you have liked this scenario to have been played out if you had a choice, Jason?" It look me a minute(actually less) to give this girl the best advice you can ever give someone...
"Just be honest..."
I think I told her to be brutally honest, but either way, the point got across.
On the way back from a cinematic adventure(a movie) with some friends we discussed what it's like to be lied to... to be led on... to be made to feel...like you aren't good enough. We have all been treated this way, and unfortunately, from time to time, we may have been the ones breaking the hearts.
So as I reflect on the scenario and the advice gave I couldn't help wonder... "Just waiting on something(one) better to come along..." "A monkey never lets go..." Hmmm. "Am I like that?" "Am I a monkey"... I'm sure at some point through my dating career I have not always played by the rules and lived up to expectations of others.
I can sit here and be hypocritical or I can spill it all on everyone I've come across(twss)... Every game I've played... and how and why I played it. There's a game in every player, and a player in every game, but the thing about games is that someone has to lose...
Don't be a monkey...
For those of you unfamiliar with what I went through I will recap.
I was sort of seeing/dating this girl. This girl was fresh out of a relationship, hooked up with me. Toyed with me, and proceeded to move on the next guy or two before going back to the guy she was with before me. A wise woman once told me that a monkey never let's go of one branch until it has ahold of the next one... Ok... it happens, right? Even to the best of us.
So this brings me to the reason for reflection... I was recently asked for some advice on how to handle a situation. A girl asks me what she should do about the guy she's sleeping with because she's now attracted to some other guy and wants to date him, and date him on a more serious level...*sigh*, people and their sugar coating! ;)
At this point I'm basically thrust into the situation I was just in, but on the outside looking in. Like karma asking me,"How would you have liked this scenario to have been played out if you had a choice, Jason?" It look me a minute(actually less) to give this girl the best advice you can ever give someone...
"Just be honest..."
I think I told her to be brutally honest, but either way, the point got across.
On the way back from a cinematic adventure(a movie) with some friends we discussed what it's like to be lied to... to be led on... to be made to feel...like you aren't good enough. We have all been treated this way, and unfortunately, from time to time, we may have been the ones breaking the hearts.
So as I reflect on the scenario and the advice gave I couldn't help wonder... "Just waiting on something(one) better to come along..." "A monkey never lets go..." Hmmm. "Am I like that?" "Am I a monkey"... I'm sure at some point through my dating career I have not always played by the rules and lived up to expectations of others.
I can sit here and be hypocritical or I can spill it all on everyone I've come across(twss)... Every game I've played... and how and why I played it. There's a game in every player, and a player in every game, but the thing about games is that someone has to lose...
Don't be a monkey...
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Open your mind!
These words all link together... You'd be surprised how...
Subconscious mind, potential, manifest, reality, change, pineal, alpha, theta, delta, brainwaves, vibrations, frequency, magnetism, attraction, positive, negative, fluoride, cancer, calcification, control, cannabis, cure, love,
Subconscious mind, potential, manifest, reality, change, pineal, alpha, theta, delta, brainwaves, vibrations, frequency, magnetism, attraction, positive, negative, fluoride, cancer, calcification, control, cannabis, cure, love,
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Could not have said it better myself...
I can't believe how much this makes sense... I will definitely read this again, as it seems that it's something I need to pay closer attention to in my own life...
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youll-learn-to-trust-again-when-you-learn-to-trust-you/
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youll-learn-to-trust-again-when-you-learn-to-trust-you/
Thursday, January 17, 2013
My 5 year plan...retire by 40
This next year I will get a second job. I will use this income to pay off any outstanding bills, pay off my car, and work on getting my house paid off within the next 2-3 years(24,000 owed). I will invest any and all available money into a variety of accounts/stocks/funds/trusts that will pay out monthly distributions in a manner that will allow me to be paid weekly or even multiple times weekly as each one will pay out at different times of the month, as well as accounting for the two jobs I will have.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
In retrospect...
Just sitting here enjoying what I believe to be called serenity, as I am not totally comfortable here since this feeling has never stuck around long enough for me to get to know it well enough. It comes and goes just to let me know that it is out there and does exist; not far off.
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Poetic Justice...
I lay awake thinking about the wrongs that I have done, and the wrongs that have been done to me. I feel bad for those that have harmed me, as in harming me they are doing more harm to themselves. The same goes for me. The things that I have done to others is still haunting me long after the damage was done. I hope their healing has taken place. I hope mine is ending.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)