L...I...V...I...N...

Been trying to think of something to write, and thinking about writing about the last year and what I've gone through... 

But have chosen to pass on the idea... The past is in the past. I kind of just want to leave it there and move on...

But what to write next...?

The Female Selects the Mate...

Ok. Time to do some serious writing. I recently had the opportunity to ask a girl if she was pregnant, and if it was mine; would she tell me.

It's been heavy on my mind, and wasn't really sure if I should ask her anything... being that she's been standoffish since our random encounter...

We seduced each other that night...I foolishly let it get further than intended...I would have much rather taken the time to get to know her more before it led to something we both felt awkward, and possibly regretted the next day...

I was selfish...She being the only one I've ever had to ask that to... 

If you're pregnant and it's mine, would you tell me?

I suppose that if I was man enough to put myself in that situation I better be prepared to ask that question and deal with whatever comes of it, right???

Ab-so-fuck-ing-lutely!

And with this girl I barely even know; thought that it would be a good idea to see if I couldn't just, maybe get her pregnant...?

Yeah, why not.

All of her boxes checked...

Beautiful. Funny. Openminded. Family oriented. Sane. Beautiful...super-ultra sexy...

Young.

Possibly too young...

I don't like to think of age as a barrier when it comes to women I'm attracted to...I can look at maturity levels... That's a better judgement in my opinion...

In the end... We should have just cuddled...

The Law of Attraction, Sex, Love, and Meditation...

This may be the most in depth post I've written and, hopefully,  once it's completed we can all look back on it and see how it all ties together...

This originally started with me taking this blog in a different direction by using a voice recorded media to differentiate my blog from the next...

Either way, the topic that I decided to cover was something I had never written about.

It was sex. Raw. Natural...ish...

From there... I went places I probably shouldn't have publicly, but... whatever.

I touched on compatibility might actually play a part when taking sex to that next level...and that's where I'm going to take this now, considering how I'm going to tie everything together...

It will get explicit again... Soon, so if you don't want to read any further you probably shouldn't...

So... The Law of Attraction... Like attracts like. Think of a magnet... You're a magnet. I'm a magnet...A magnet is always... always...always using the force of attraction. 

You are attracting the things around you... to you... If that makes sense...A little more finite, the law of attraction states that by that principle alone you can attract anything you want into your life...but...

But. There's an energy involved. You can't (necessarily) snap your fingers and magically "create" a new reality.

I'll explain my experience, which I think I've done on this blog before, but for the sake of this particular thread, I'll do it again...

Love is the most powerful force that there is.

It is only with an abundance of love in your thoughts... feelings(ewww)...your "being", that you'll experience how it works...

For me it was a blue car...I'll explain.

After doing about 15-20 minutes of meditating on the things I was grateful for, I asked "the universe" to let me see a blue car outside of my window. The first vehicle that drove by was a white van. The second was a red truck... But the first CAR that passed by was actually a blue mid sized sedan...and so it started.

I started practicing the system. (Stay positive at least 51% of your day) That number tips the scales in your favor. It's safe to say you only want to have positive things coming into your life...

Then I started digging a little deeper into this philosophy... To me it sounded a lot like praying... Except praying they tell you not to pray for yourself, but to pray for others...

So I basically pray for the things I want with the power of love at my finger tips...??And create however I want my life to be by doing so??

There's a way to amplify it too. Guess how you amplify love?;) Yes.

Through sex.  

More specifically: through orgasm.

 

I'm not saying you need to be having an orgasm for this to work, I'm just saying that you can amplify the energy used for the purposes of using the law of attraction to your benefit...

Actually, the most optimal times to practice the LOA(Law of Attraction) are 90 minutes before you go to sleep, and 90 minutes after you wake up... It's hard to say what the brain is capable of at lower wave lengths when meditating and programming your mind... I'll explain..

Ninety minutes before you go to bed allows your brain to slow and enter different "states." As you first lay down to go to bed at night, you're probably already in an Alpha wave length state. As you drift further into sleep you'll enter a Theta state, and after Theta is Delta...

Alpha and Theta are where most of your visualizing should be taking place...(praying?)

The 90 minutes after you wake up works the same, but in reverse...You'll come out of Delta, through Theta, and as you wake, you'll be entering Alpha...and after your first few cups of coffee you'll probably be in Gamma...Gamma can be useful when learning, but for the purposes of meditation, alpha, theta, and delta are the main focus points.

Using either a pure tone, or guided meditation with a 432 hz(which is in the theta range) before bed/while you fall asleep, will help you to see pretty strong results in your life within weeks of applying it in your life...

The reason sex plays such a vital role in this process is when you have two people focusing on a common outcome it doesn't just double the output... It increases it exponentially.

That's why earlier on in this thread I mentioned the importance of not treating sex lightly... It carries powers we don't fully understand, and can't quite grasp...

I think I'm going to wrap this up now by saying a few things...

Over the course of writing all this I've had to look at a lot of stuff on my end of things...I'm not a perfect person. But from the first to the last person I've had the pleasure of getting to know intimately; they are all special... Some crazier than others... Some just not the right fit...Some fit too well...Some I've fucked over...but we all played a part in each others lives at some point...

And I'm pretty sure I loved you all, even if you didn't know it...

Humans and Love...

"We are necessary for each other..."

Lovers and Friends...

I know that anyone who's read this recent blog thread  is wondering what test(s) do I make my "friends" pass? 

I put friends in quotes because, if you haven't followed along with what I've been writing about then you should probably get a good definition of what a "friend" is ... Sexual or otherwise: to give you a most definitive answer in two words... 

For this example I'll use my most recent past relationship... Mind you; I keep my heart close...

In a message that was solely (or should have been) between my ex and I.  I had reiterated a comment my ex had expressed to me about why a certain friend decided to do to a certain thing; only to remain on pain killers. 

I reiterated that one thing, that had known, should not come back to me if it were truly between her and I...

A few hours later I get a message from mine and my exes best friends husband asking why I made his wife cry??? Why is his wife balling because of me? 

I knew why, but they weren't my words... 

It's because the message(s) that were supposed to between me and my girl ended up getting other people involved... When they shouldn't have...

"... I don't think I'm conscious of making monsters out of the women that I sponsor 'til it all goes bad..."

I do this to my lovers and friends...

Sometimes subtly... and not so.

When it comes back I know...

I keep my heart close...

Serendipity...

On a recent trip back from Washington to visit my family... I knew before I got there that I wasn't going to want to leave... I almost didn't...

Needless to say I went back to Montana not knowing how I'd feel when I got there.

When I came back to work after that 4 day weekend, I was hoping for a sign of sorts. 

I say "a sign"  because I was really starting to grow attached to this area. My biological family is here,  I've met a lot of people I like, and I have a decent job with great growth potential. That's a hard sign to beat...

But I kept having this whisper in my ear..."Are you gonna give up on your dreams?...." 

 I questioned that thought...  "Maybe my dreams are here...?" 

Torn between 2 choices...

One, fulfilling a vision/dream I had, or  two, stay where I'm at, work the 9-5 job, settle in, and become part of the community... Staying put was the easier softer way...

I've never been one to follow the status quo...

So, back to work on a Tuesday after my sabbatical to Washington I hear the guy who trained me say in my direction, "He's from Washington!" 

And what turned around was the first sign. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The Virgo to my Cancer. 

If you believe in that sort of thing...

The second sign is her name.  She's not a Jenny, an Amy, or a Shirley. It's exotic, sexy, and it fits... 

The 3rd sign was the place she was from. The same place from which I just came , and the place I was trying to decide to return to.

At that moment, which is as vivid as an HD picture in my head, and literally probably only lasted less than 30 seconds. That afternoon, I thought to myself, "There's my reason for staying in Montana!" 

Shit! I didn't even know if she was single, married, or had kids! But if these were truly "signs"... Well... Then ... That stuff...It wouldn't matter...

Although, during one of our smoke breaks I remember her saying that she was trying to get back to Washington  as soon as she could... I think she used some colorful language about how cold it was going to get here...

I was disappointed at first to hear her say that she was going to leave..and she is right about the cold!

But that's probably the moment that all these actions are now taking place... I wasn't going to get left here...

Within a few days I had sent a message back home about getting "my dreams" back on track, and now with family on board; like minds accomplishing like goals, we are nearly set to take over the world! :) Sorta..:)

Given the circumstances, I knew it was going to take some time to get me back there...

It wasn't until Halloween night, a couple weeks later,  at an after hours party  that everything changed... More signs...

I showed up to that Halloween party with 4 of the coolest people in town. One of them being the prettiest girl I've ever had the opportunity of getting to know...

She was hit on all night... 

...and not by me...

On more than one occasion, I'd leave one room, and be in another for a few minutes.  Wishing I'd have that pretty girl to talk to...

Seconds later... She walks into the room,  finds my eyes...and we meet somewhere in the middle...On more than one occasion...

Since then, nothing has been the same...

I leave here soon. Don't want to, but don't feel as if this is the place for me. I wish she could come with me, I wanted her to, I told her such,  and wonder if I'm out if my mind for doing so.  

The rest hasn't been written yet...;)

... there is now something to be  written...Mind you, this is now months later...

I left Montana.  And what I was looking for when I left  was not there when I reached my destination...

So I  returned...

My spirit was broken... 

I sit here still, damaged from that experience.  Learning new lessons along the way. More confused before I left...

You might wonder...

What about the girl? 

Honestly? I have no idea... It's as if she's fallen off the face of the earth. 

I see her everyday. I'm cordial. 

Everyone around us seen what we were...I don't know if I was just feeling everyone's thoughts about us, but it felt good. Great. Amazing...

...when it was there...

Then one day, it just stopped. 

She barely says two words to me, and only unless I initiate the conversation...

Don't know what the fuck I did or didn't do... I'll be the bad guy so nobody else has to be...I still get asked what happened between us... 

The only thing I can say, "I have no fucking idea!"

Explicit Experiences...

I once met a chick that... Well... Wanted me to rape her, basically ... Couldn't do it... Rape fantasy just doesn't do it for me... Don't get me wrong... This chicks body was bangin'...head in most of the right places...a little bit far left of center...

But if you tell me to fuck you cause you want to moan, and then punch and kick  through it all... Well then you're just a fuck... Even if it only lasts a minute... Because what I do, I do as a lover would do... and if you can't handle that, then you have a lot of maturing and growing up to do... and might need a shrink.

I had one chick who used to like me to come in at about 4-5am and fuck her brains out before she went to work... I was cool with it because I was up all night anyways... She burned all my worldly belongings...except my music...

I was this one girls "dirty little secret" for some time... I would make her come by making her think I was coming... Eventually she told me to stop doing that...she works in a dentists office...

I met one girl online, who later I found out happened to be married at the time we were having sex... Told me she couldn't have kids due to some early childhood cancer...couldn't have been over five foot...she liked to be choked...well... aggressively grasped around her neck during intercourse... Not before... During...She has a baby now, and I think is divorced... we're still fbf''s...

I've been with 2 women...not at the same time... that could only climax through anal intercourse...guys... I'm not complaining... well, sorta... one made me (explicit) her for hours before we got that far...she ended up cheating on me...

This young bartender asked me why we don't have "regular sex"... She was probably the purest lover I can remember... she once told me she thought we were soul mates... I believed her... Then she didn't talk to me for a couple years... Lol... That's how the young ones roll...

Had this one girl who'd use ME for sex... She'd drop by unexpectedly for about an hour (or visa versa), use me up and be on her way...She was one that got away. She had 3 boys by the time she was 25 I think... I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment... She's got a baby girl now and is happy..

I could go on, but honestly, I'm sick of "relationships" like this. Over the years it has taken its toll on me...

I want something substantial... Something I can be proud of. Married and kids? Sure, why not? It might be too late for me, as I see most all my friends and acquaintances that are my age who have already started their little families, and are happy... I watch them with envy...   

 

Friends...

Taking a left turn with this current thread...

Friends...

As defined by my smart phone's dictionary, "A person whom one knows and with when one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations..."

So...that's interesting. Never thought to look up what it meant to be a friend, but alas...there it is.

I'm not sure when I came to test my friends. But at some point you can only have your heart broken so many times before you start building defense mechanisms...You hear it as "putting up walls."

Heartbreak is the other side of love I tried not to bring into the last thing I wrote, but it's a fact. That's the gamble...the risk. You risk heartbreak. 

With that being said, you could call me a compulsive gambler. I've taken chances when the odds were stacked against me, and lost. 

But if you don't go for it, you never know, right?;) You can't win if you don't play...

And if you're gonna play, make sure your toys are cooler than the next kids...right? 

I'd say or do things. Subtle things. Some not so subtle. And if they come back to me...usually subtly, sometimes not so subtle...:) 

Well, then you know...

Like the definition states:"...typically exclusive of sexual or family relations..."

You have to be careful who you let in as a friend...from my own experiences friendships tend to go sour after sex gets involved, that's not to say everyone can't still be adults about it, either...just sayin. 

That's where the risk for me has come...with friends. 

That's where tattoos come from...:)

 

What's Love Got To Do With It?

What is love? Google it, look it up in your phone's dictionary, pull out your Webster's...

But can any truly define what love is?

Love can be a lot of things. Love can be merely an infatuation, a passion, and also unconditional. 

I do not claim to be an expert in the realm of love, and can only share my experiences from this point. Any names I use will be changed to protect the innocent... or not so innocent...

Here we go... 

The first time I ever felt as if I was "in love" with someone was my junior year in high school. It was my first girl friend, had a crush on her all through school. Let's just say that I hadn't had any experiences... with anyone... ever...But what I had felt towards her was different than I felt towards the other girls around. 

Was it love? Probably not.

The heartbreak didn't really last long, as with the acne clearing up, and the extra hours in the gym paying off, I really started to get a lot of attention... 

Other than that first crush, there wasn't really a girl in school that ever "did it" for me. Sure there there were girls on the dance team that did a lot to distract boys from paying attention in Spanish class. But I didn't end up losing mine(virginity) until after high school.

After a few awkward years of playing the field after high school I found a girl(or the girl found me?)... I truly felt "in love" with someone... and after a period I told her I loved her, she reciprocated the sentiment. 

Now, when I told her that I loved her, I meant it... And when she told me, I figured she did too. Because... if you love someone you don't cheat on them... right?

That whole  experience taught me that word should not be used lightly. And just because someone says it, it does not necessarily mean the same to both...

I once was in a relationship for 5 years without being able to say it... Not proud of it, but just goes to show how important it is to not misuse the words, or the intentions that come with saying them...

I don't mean that Love hasn't found me since that first real heartbreak.

She has. Lots of times. And it's usually on her terms, not mine...

But...guess what? 

I've said it just to say it. Just to make the other person feel good. To her face. Batting my eyes the whole time...and just not mean it.

we all say it...

Say it 100 times a day to someone, and tell me how much you mean it by the time you hit 99? Probably not as much and wholeheartedly as you did that first time.

You can say that you'd still feel it after 100 times, but after all, they are just words, and love (in my opinion) is way more than just words... 

Way more than words.

This is also not to say that those ladies in my past that I never told "I love you" to did not deserve it. For me, the longer I go without saying it, the more I mean it... 

Love is comfortable silence. Love is a gamble. Love is 143. Love is having a partner in crime. Love is music. Love is a touch. Love is a look into someone's eyes. Love is family.

Love is hearing someone reference their partner, and hearing the joy and admiration in their voice when they talk about them...

Love is the most powerful feeling there is. With love in your pocket all things are possible. 

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is..."-Forest Gump

You have to be careful with love. That fickle little cherub, Cupid, must be high on mushrooms the times he's taken shots at me...

I mentioned earlier that love is a gamble. A risk, for sure. It doesn't always pay off... I'm single right now as I write this. Mathematically speaking the odds of love finding me are very high. And it scares the shit out of me. Just sayin'.

Love and the Law of Attraction are the secret to manifesting all the things in your life that you want...

The Law of Attraction is basically, how a magnet works... It draws things to it... With the force of love...

We will carry out the how's and why's next time.  Hopefully you'll see that it all ties together in the end.

Until next time...