Dig Nity...

Be proud of yourself...

If you can't...

Find a way.

...

Damn it! New Muse!

Perfect Flaws...

"I don't even understand how you can judge as if you are perfect..."

I was told off today...if you didn't already gather that.

But this got me thinking...

I never said I was " perfect"...

To do that would be blasphemous, right? There's supposedly only 1 truly perfect human...he was Latino, and his name was Jesus.

But to be human...it's kinda flawed, ain't it?

So, how was he perfect? His eyes? Their color? His hair, it's color? His teeth? His smile? His physique? His voice? His laugh? His punctuation?

Was it all of them combined?

Is this what makes someone perfect?

The answers are probably all "no."

So then what was it about him that made him perfect?

His mind? ...but did he drink wine? Probably, yes. Did he use cannabis? Again, the answer, probably yes. Opiates? Hallucinogens?

Even just injesting wine, wouldn't that cause corruption of the "natural order" of things? Perfect tolerance???

One thing I do know about the Dude: he was a genius story teller...Similar in the ways of Confucius or Nasrudin, but a little more serious.

Was he taught? Wouldn't he already know it all? Wouldn't he know how to get through to the people of his time? But he didn't...whether he rose, or he fell, we are in worse shape now, than then.

I've heard the idea that He/She, the Universe(some other word than God) decided to incarnate itself. Which, it pretty much could...really...I mean it's made everything else possible...the sun, the moon, the stars...

So, yes, if it so chose to, I'm sure It could zap some ant on this rock, and become it.

To feel what we feel. To experience the things the we all go through...to understand.

To understand the human condition....

The perfectly flawed, human condition!

Why?

The most important question.

When it feels like you're trying to fight off 7 people just to get to know 1...why is that?

Why would a friend tell someone not to trust me?

Why would a friend do that?

Why won't anyone tell me, why?

Why would someone try to keep 2 people apart?

Maybe it's because some of these people don't like me?

Why?

I know I'm an asshole, but not by default.

Why?

It's usually because you're an asshole.

Why?

Because you already judged me.

Why?

Endless Nights...

Every morning seems to bring it's own challenges. Nothing is to come easy.

As I fight off bouts of anxiety, and depression in what seems like an hourly basis, but in reality it's about every 10~15 minutes...I try to focus on positive things...happy thoughts. Things that make me smile. Things that make me laugh.

Comforting thoughts.

I've found that I can't rely on people completely...I mean, there are people that are there for me, but who is really going to be there at 3:30 in the morning went I can't fucking sleep because my head won't stop spinning...when I just need to talk it out...? Someone to just be there for no other purpose than to just listen...to just be there...

Not many...

Very few...

These are the loneliest moments. When it's just me and the night.

Searching For Balance...

Recollections...

That moment you both wake up talking to each other in your sleep...

Were we dreaming about each other at the same time??

PPricelesss...

That look on her face when you step in the shower after...

Like...

"What the fuck planet am I on...?"

...babbling, "Are you even human!?!"

I'll take the compliment.

Who Would He be?

Who would He be today...?

He is suppose to be here by NOW, right??

HE meaning Jesuś Chirstó...

What would He look like...

Is that where His divinity came in, when we started capitalizing(on) He, Him, His,etc...?

So what would he look like? Would he be African, French, Chinese?

If he was here, would he know if he were who we say he is?

I mean, he would have been raised by parents, or someone for some period of time, right? Or beamed down...

Let's go with being raised, here and now first...maybe not necessarily by parents, but at least raised by this society...

Does he stop and just tell his parents, "You know I'm the 2nd coming, right?"....

Or maybe the child wouldn't know, but the universe just "would", and respond appreciably...?

Who knows...?

What did it take...?

It took what it took...

But, more specifically, it took 3 people to tell me 3 different things, at 3 different times...

In chronological order.

First, was a friend of mine who told me that I had alot of shit to work through...

Or something along those lines...

The point being? I didn't want to hear that shit!! I was doing just fine, thank you very much. But deep down, I knew she was right...

Second, was a fellow who woke me up out of a weed, beer, whiskey, red wine....hang over, pounding on my counter, yelling at me, "Do you know what you problem is?!?!"....

...and he never said.

But I knew...

It wasn't until the next time...the next time it happened(the black out, multiple personality, asshole comes out)...when he made a comment about..."the next time"...

Hopefully the next time doesn't come.

Last, but not least, it was 4 words that did it. Four words that rang in my head for days...It rang for days because it's what I told myself while being locked up for 4 those months, 17 years ago.

"Grow the fuck up!"

Each time, it was like a slap in the face, or a head butt to the mouth in some cases.

It took what it took.

It's time to grow the fuck up...again! ;)