I can't believe how much this makes sense... I will definitely read this again, as it seems that it's something I need to pay closer attention to in my own life...
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youll-learn-to-trust-again-when-you-learn-to-trust-you/
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
My 5 year plan...retire by 40
This next year I will get a second job. I will use this income to pay off any outstanding bills, pay off my car, and work on getting my house paid off within the next 2-3 years(24,000 owed). I will invest any and all available money into a variety of accounts/stocks/funds/trusts that will pay out monthly distributions in a manner that will allow me to be paid weekly or even multiple times weekly as each one will pay out at different times of the month, as well as accounting for the two jobs I will have.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
When I have my house paid off it is my intention to supercharge my investment strategies with the income used to pay my mortgage. Allowing for compound interest to take hold and do its work I will have investments that are able to produce a sustainable income allowing me to quit my job and travel the world.
These are the goals I have set.
In retrospect...
Just sitting here enjoying what I believe to be called serenity, as I am not totally comfortable here since this feeling has never stuck around long enough for me to get to know it well enough. It comes and goes just to let me know that it is out there and does exist; not far off.
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
With the new year getting ready to ramp back up for more exciting new things, I can't help but look to the past year to see how far I've come. For me it's almost mind blowing.
A year ago today I was still recovering from a bout of pneumonia that nearly killed me. A stress induced sickness from the decisions I made to start smoking pot again, which had me at risk of losing my job, my house... everything material at that point. The physical loses I am still trying to recover from to this day. I was in great shape before I got sick. One hundred and eighty pounds of great shape. Over the course of the pneumonia,(before it was diagnosed/treated-about three weeks, maybe longer, hard to tell), I watched the weight just fall off of me day after day. When I ate I couldn't keep food down due to the coughing. When I finally went in to the doctor I weighed about 141 pounds... I eventually lost a few more pounds after that, but was afraid to get on the scale. I probably got down to 135. That's 45 pounds for anyone trying to keep up. Today a year later I've made it to a pretty sexy 162, which has been hard to do. At my age my body doesn't build muscle like it did when I was in my early to mid 20's, but thank God it still burns calories the same.
Not sure which is more important at this point: my house or my job. Well, I almost lost both. I no longer smoke pot. It's just not worth the risk, and will have one year away from drugs and alcohol in a couple months. It was that choice to think that I could do both in the beginning that really set precedence for my downward spiral towards a rock bottom. With relationships in peril, job hanging in the balance, and house and car going into foreclosure, I was getting ready to set sail to an island. Turn my back on everything and just start over. This was a very real thing for me. I started selling all my things. Was just trying to come up with enough money for a plane ticket. Something happened though. I think the weight of losing the house that I grew up in and having owed a friend a substantial amount of money kept me here.
So I opted to return to work, as at this point I was voluntarily on a lay off. Didn't have a lot of trust from management when I returned. A few of my responsibilities had been handed over to other employees, and my input into operational matters was not as valued and rarely taken into consideration. Which is ok. At least I was able to return to work.
A short time later I didn't just burn a bridge in a relationship, I blew that fucker up. That was the day I decided that I needed to quit drinking. I wasn't "normal". I didn't know how to be. It was hard. Harder than the first time I had done it 12 years prior. I was broken and damaged. Going through a break up. Feeling betrayed by someone who I cared about, and someone who claimed to be my friend. At that time that had been the most challenging time in my life. I didn't want to live, but my crazy head had me thinking,"what kind of person are you going to be when you get through this?" The answer that came through was ,"Better."
The hardest part of the break up had past, the obsession, to drink/use was gone that first day, and not wanting to live slowly turned into an excitement for life, and gratitude towards the people who had been there for me, who had always been there for me, I owed it to them and to myself to succeed.
Being that I was in a financial crisis from the previous few months I ended up taking in a roommate to help make ends meet. This turned out to be another very trying time this last year. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but needless to say she left me in a worse scenario than what I was in before she moved in, and I believe she is still wanted on fraud charges...I was lied to and betrayed again. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this, but really felt as if I couldn't trust anyone anymore, and really didn't want to. After what I had gone through the last couple months.
So after the roommate disappeared, my ex girlfriend who I felt I had ruined any chances of repairing a relationship with came back. I was doing positive things in my life and positive things were starting to happen. Within a week she went back to the guy she originally left me for with no real explanation. Just found my house key and my old iPhone sitting on the counter. Came around just long enough to spin me around upside down and leave me wondering why I even try to let people in.
With my worsened financial crisis looming I decided to take a second job. This was probably the most productive time in the last year for me. I was able to keep my house and car from going into foreclosure, pay off a pile of bills that had accumulated, and even put some money into a few investments for my future. During this time I gained a new found respect for what I was capable of doing when put to a test to overcome.
Working two jobs and averaging about 70 hours a week with about one day off every three weeks took its toll after about 5 months. I needed a break. And besides, I had started seeing someone who I was pretty much in love with, and wanted to be able to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. It hurt. It had me again questioning why I even try. Brought up all those old trust issues again. But it takes two. One person can't be in love with he other and expect it to work. One person can't lose his mind and the other to want anything to do with him.
I was also able to quit smoking after 15 years. I was up to two packs a day, and I'm not sure, but with what I was going through at the time, but I think it may have been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A lot of things were affected by my decision to quit...
So here's to another eventful year that has me thinking, "what will this next year have me be?"
"Better."
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Poetic Justice...
I lay awake thinking about the wrongs that I have done, and the wrongs that have been done to me. I feel bad for those that have harmed me, as in harming me they are doing more harm to themselves. The same goes for me. The things that I have done to others is still haunting me long after the damage was done. I hope their healing has taken place. I hope mine is ending.
Monday, December 10, 2012
You need to try this! right meow!
After a long rough couple days I happen to stumble upon this video on YouTube. I thought I'd give it a try and see if it works... Amazingly it does. It goes along way into healing whatever it is you might be feeling. If you've lost someone close to you, this technique will definitely help. If you are going through a divorce or break up, this technique will definitely help. If you are stressed out about anything, this technique will help... I almost want to say it can cure it, as I just sat through a intro session, focusing on the things that have been on my mind lately, and I'm surprised to say that I feel good, almost great.
http://youtu.be/6i33V2EcVlY
There is science behind this technique and its not just some new age mumbo jumbo... Seriously, you should try this... We all have things holding us back, break free from them!:)
http://youtu.be/6i33V2EcVlY
There is science behind this technique and its not just some new age mumbo jumbo... Seriously, you should try this... We all have things holding us back, break free from them!:)
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Explanation of change...
Ready to unwind. Although I am stuck in my mind. Intuition and perception. Is it all just deception? On the forefront of change. Moving forward has me feeling strange. It's for the best. Accepting that I will get little rest during this test. Our paths not chosen; we make our own way. To make our own day. To be better at all costs. But what if my heart frosts? Focused... Cold...like ice...Is this my sacrifice?
Since nobody bothered to ask what this was about I decided to tell someone. I told them that it was about quitting smoking...they laughed, said ok, and didn't bother to say anything back... I don't know if they didn't believe me or what...or, if they just weren't interested. But for those of you who have read this and wonder what it may be about here goes:
Ready to unwind. Stuck in my mind(If any one has ever quit anything successfully, you know that your mind will play tricks on you during the first few hours or days of the process.)
Intuition and perception. Is it all deception?(what I feel and perceive can be deceiving; "I can't do it" or "it's too hard")
On the forefront of change. Moving forward has me feeling strange.(I am at the beginning of this process, I've opted to use medication to help with the cravings. The medication has side effects that have left me feeling depressed.)
It's for the best. Accepting I will get little rest during this test.(pretty self explanatory... As with trying to kick any habit that can physically alter you're mental state; chances are you'll lose sleep.)
Our paths not chosen; we make our own way. To make our own day.(I cannot just sit here with blind faith and think"this is how it's gonna be right now"..."this is just how it is..." Fuck that. If I (wish I could bold/italic from my phone damnit!)... If I want change to happen, I have to make it happen!)
To be better at all costs. But what if my heart frosts? Focused... Cold...like ice...Is this my sacrifice?(if any one has quit smoking or know someone that has knows that they can turn into a real asshole. The smallest things can trigger ragging outbursts. Emotions everywhere. All over the place. I own it. I can be the biggest asshole around. But I am driven for change.)
Since nobody bothered to ask what this was about I decided to tell someone. I told them that it was about quitting smoking...they laughed, said ok, and didn't bother to say anything back... I don't know if they didn't believe me or what...or, if they just weren't interested. But for those of you who have read this and wonder what it may be about here goes:
Ready to unwind. Stuck in my mind(If any one has ever quit anything successfully, you know that your mind will play tricks on you during the first few hours or days of the process.)
Intuition and perception. Is it all deception?(what I feel and perceive can be deceiving; "I can't do it" or "it's too hard")
On the forefront of change. Moving forward has me feeling strange.(I am at the beginning of this process, I've opted to use medication to help with the cravings. The medication has side effects that have left me feeling depressed.)
It's for the best. Accepting I will get little rest during this test.(pretty self explanatory... As with trying to kick any habit that can physically alter you're mental state; chances are you'll lose sleep.)
Our paths not chosen; we make our own way. To make our own day.(I cannot just sit here with blind faith and think"this is how it's gonna be right now"..."this is just how it is..." Fuck that. If I (wish I could bold/italic from my phone damnit!)... If I want change to happen, I have to make it happen!)
To be better at all costs. But what if my heart frosts? Focused... Cold...like ice...Is this my sacrifice?(if any one has quit smoking or know someone that has knows that they can turn into a real asshole. The smallest things can trigger ragging outbursts. Emotions everywhere. All over the place. I own it. I can be the biggest asshole around. But I am driven for change.)
Friday, December 7, 2012
What of change...?
Ready to unwind. Although I am stuck in my mind. Intuition and perception. Is it all just deception? On the forefront of change. Moving forward has me feeling strange. It's for the best. Accepting that I will get little rest during this test. Our paths not chosen; we make our own way. To make our own day. To be better at all costs. But what if my heart frosts? Focused... Cold...like ice...Is this my sacrifice?
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thanksgiving...
I lay here after chatting with a friend about what their plans are for the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow. With a frog in my throat and blurry, watery eyes...(no I'm not crying!)...For what their family has gone through this last year, three generations of ladies having a Thanksgiving to themselves...Grateful to have each other I'm sure. It's those purest moments that we have with the ones that are closest to us that make this holiday experience bearable.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
You should try it...
For those of you interested in the things I've discussed in my previous post, here are links to a couple of my favorites. For best results listen before bedtime. Also, stereo headphones are required.
http://youtu.be/HuhuUa2XYac
http://youtu.be/c3J_O2q2BOM
http://youtu.be/HuhuUa2XYac
http://youtu.be/c3J_O2q2BOM
You can have anything you want!
Was in a meeting the other day and heard everyone talking about how good it was, myself included. It got me thinking...People waking up early on a Sunday morning to go get spiritually refreshed, to get some healing. And with my recent research into brain wave entertainment it makes total sense how one would receive beneficial results from a morning (or late evening) meeting like that.
"Why is that?," you say.
First off, our brains are constantly putting off different frequency patterns throughout the morning, afternoon, evening, and night. Each period of the day your brain tends to enter a different phase. More specifically during the morning and evening times your brain waves are in a Theta or Alpha state. In these states your subconscious is more susceptible to influence, or "reprogramming" allowing for maximum benefit for whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish.
There are ways to induce different brain wave patterns for meditation purposes. It's also said that using different brain wave patterns during meditation, and focusing on the things you want or need in your life, are able to manifest them into your life as if by "magic"...
Now, don't get me wrong, 9999 out of 10000 it won't actually happen instantly, but through events, people, places, and things. You will get what you want. You just have to visualize it!
I'll give an example, not from my own experience, but from an ex-girlfriend, who I tried turning on to this concept. Told her to repeat the things she wanted, and to feel them with love. She wanted a new apartment. Within three months maybe even less, she got that new place, she wanted a new job, was fired from her old one and got the new one.
If you are wondering if this has worked for me, the answer is,"YES!"
By programming my subconscious mind for the things that I wanted out of life, with the help of subconscious affirmations, using Alpha, Theta, and Delta brainwave entertainment I was able to jump start the life I have always envisioned for myself.
The power of the mind is so great that you can literally transform your reality if you so chose to. Cars, money, jobs, relationships. They can all be yours in abundance... Just have to ask!
"Be the change you want in the world"
"Why is that?," you say.
First off, our brains are constantly putting off different frequency patterns throughout the morning, afternoon, evening, and night. Each period of the day your brain tends to enter a different phase. More specifically during the morning and evening times your brain waves are in a Theta or Alpha state. In these states your subconscious is more susceptible to influence, or "reprogramming" allowing for maximum benefit for whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish.
There are ways to induce different brain wave patterns for meditation purposes. It's also said that using different brain wave patterns during meditation, and focusing on the things you want or need in your life, are able to manifest them into your life as if by "magic"...
Now, don't get me wrong, 9999 out of 10000 it won't actually happen instantly, but through events, people, places, and things. You will get what you want. You just have to visualize it!
I'll give an example, not from my own experience, but from an ex-girlfriend, who I tried turning on to this concept. Told her to repeat the things she wanted, and to feel them with love. She wanted a new apartment. Within three months maybe even less, she got that new place, she wanted a new job, was fired from her old one and got the new one.
If you are wondering if this has worked for me, the answer is,"YES!"
By programming my subconscious mind for the things that I wanted out of life, with the help of subconscious affirmations, using Alpha, Theta, and Delta brainwave entertainment I was able to jump start the life I have always envisioned for myself.
The power of the mind is so great that you can literally transform your reality if you so chose to. Cars, money, jobs, relationships. They can all be yours in abundance... Just have to ask!
"Be the change you want in the world"
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