A Night at the O...

As I turned to see her eyes, her blue; sometimes grey eyes, piercing into mine ...quick witty banter, as if it were home.

Saying more with the fluttering of her lashes than with words coming out of her mouth...with each blink came it's own retort.

...satirical...

So I spoke the same way...fluttered mine right back. I had my own things to say in regards...

In regards to how this evening would go...

"I'm here with a date," fluttered lashes, and a wry smile express much more than words alone.

"I figured as much," fluttering in my own quirky, sardonic way, but still heart broken underneath it all.

Face to face.

The words are lost in time, but body language...

This instance has been burned into my psyche since.

I go to bed with it...I wake up with it...and it checks in at least one other time of the day...everyday.

That scene...

It had been months since I'd been out of the house to do something, anything. Now I observe the woman I miss, on a date with a guy she doesn't want to get close to...

Call me a schizoid, but the music playing left a ringing in my ears that would linger for another two days.

It had been months since we'd seen each other, I didn't know if I was making her uncomfortable just being there...

So I left...

And it's been on repeat ever since...

And it's only been just another month...

My Hero...

I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up.... and handle it.
Tupac Shakur

Coming soon...

...

Work sucks...

That moment it's.ok to flirt with 15 year old girls as.opposed to the 17 year old.girls when you 40+...just vomit in your mouth a little ...k...

Dig Nity...

Be proud of yourself...

If you can't...

Find a way.

...

Damn it! New Muse!

Perfect Flaws...

"I don't even understand how you can judge as if you are perfect..."

I was told off today...if you didn't already gather that.

But this got me thinking...

I never said I was " perfect"...

To do that would be blasphemous, right? There's supposedly only 1 truly perfect human...he was Latino, and his name was Jesus.

But to be human...it's kinda flawed, ain't it?

So, how was he perfect? His eyes? Their color? His hair, it's color? His teeth? His smile? His physique? His voice? His laugh? His punctuation?

Was it all of them combined?

Is this what makes someone perfect?

The answers are probably all "no."

So then what was it about him that made him perfect?

His mind? ...but did he drink wine? Probably, yes. Did he use cannabis? Again, the answer, probably yes. Opiates? Hallucinogens?

Even just injesting wine, wouldn't that cause corruption of the "natural order" of things? Perfect tolerance???

One thing I do know about the Dude: he was a genius story teller...Similar in the ways of Confucius or Nasrudin, but a little more serious.

Was he taught? Wouldn't he already know it all? Wouldn't he know how to get through to the people of his time? But he didn't...whether he rose, or he fell, we are in worse shape now, than then.

I've heard the idea that He/She, the Universe(some other word than God) decided to incarnate itself. Which, it pretty much could...really...I mean it's made everything else possible...the sun, the moon, the stars...

So, yes, if it so chose to, I'm sure It could zap some ant on this rock, and become it.

To feel what we feel. To experience the things the we all go through...to understand.

To understand the human condition....

The perfectly flawed, human condition!

Why?

The most important question.

When it feels like you're trying to fight off 7 people just to get to know 1...why is that?

Why would a friend tell someone not to trust me?

Why would a friend do that?

Why won't anyone tell me, why?

Why would someone try to keep 2 people apart?

Maybe it's because some of these people don't like me?

Why?

I know I'm an asshole, but not by default.

Why?

It's usually because you're an asshole.

Why?

Because you already judged me.

Why?

Endless Nights...

Every morning seems to bring it's own challenges. Nothing is to come easy.

As I fight off bouts of anxiety, and depression in what seems like an hourly basis, but in reality it's about every 10~15 minutes...I try to focus on positive things...happy thoughts. Things that make me smile. Things that make me laugh.

Comforting thoughts.

I've found that I can't rely on people completely...I mean, there are people that are there for me, but who is really going to be there at 3:30 in the morning went I can't fucking sleep because my head won't stop spinning...when I just need to talk it out...? Someone to just be there for no other purpose than to just listen...to just be there...

Not many...

Very few...

These are the loneliest moments. When it's just me and the night.

Searching For Balance...